“Home Body”: Rupi Kaur Poetry Review and Domestic Violence Discussion.
“our pain is the doorway to our joy”
The poetry queen is back, as are her detractors, so let’s sink our teeth in to this juicy review. Arguably my favourite poet of all time (it is a tough race between Kaur and Audre Lorde) the welcome presence of a new poetry book has seen the rise in Kaur’s detractors, who have grown substantially in number.
Rupi Kaur is loathed by Eurocentric, patriarchal society because she serves as a threat to the canon.
Writing so rawly and poetically about the abuse she suffered as a child and in past relationships I get shocked and disappointed when I meet ‘feminists’ who dislike her epistemological positionality.
I’m not saying if you are a feminist then you must automatically like her. But think and relearn your behaviours and assumptions as to why you took a disliking to her in the first instance.
As a brown woman of Indian heritage, Kaur does not fit the algorithm for canonical writes and has been subjected to a series of harassment campaigns, picking apart her work.
Rupi Kaur’s poetry is rich and honest and comes from a place of art, trauma, and distress. This can be witnessed in the quote below:
“being molested as a child has been the most confusing experience of my life. to learn sex without having any concept of it has messed me up in more ways than i’m aware of. to feel an orgasm so young. to have my life threatened. to be stretched. bruised. bit. spit on. to become a woman at the age of four. to know fear intimately . have it breathe down my neck. to be numb. stiff. silent. and own all the world’s shame at once.
There are so many things that can be picked apart within this quote. My favourite is the ending line where she expresses feeling all the world’s pain in one instance. This is the level of shame that is attached to survivors of domestic abuse. There are many scholars who write profusely on the topic of shame and abuse and the case of Kaur is no different. Wolf (1990) discusses the topic of shame in the silencing of women who have experienced abuse. Kaur’s brave decision to speak out against her abuse and abusers shows a rejection of the patriarchy,
Kaur’s poetry is about determination and survival in the most extreme of circumstances.
“i am not a victim of my life
what i went through
pulled a warrior out out of me
and it is my greatest honour to be her”
Kaur’s raw trauma within the poetry book is emblematic of so many stories of survivor abuse. This can be demonstrated in the quote below.
“i have difficulty separating
abusive relationships
from healthy ones
i can’t tell the difference
between love and violence”
This is sadly reflective of so many experiences of abuse. Becker (1997) writes that borderlines, and people who suffer abuse alike, tend to recreate relationships from past experience. Typically, if you have suffered abuse, there would be no standard of a healthy relationship to make a comparison to, and this is where the cycle of abuse continues. This is backed by MacKenzie who argues that abused people tend to blame themselves and feel like they have lost a part of themselves, believing “this person abused me because something is very bad about me” (Mackenzie, 2019, p.151). This is the sad reality of patterns of abuse, where the survivor absorbs messages of inner defectiveness. There is a way out however, As Mackenzie notes, ‘recovery comes from experiencing the pain fully, rather than trying to pretend we’re fine or happy’ (ibid).
This is a sentiment echoed in Kaur’s work. As the book continues, more elements of self-love and self-healing begin to transform within the poetry anthology.
The poetry anthology also shows survival in the limitless bounds of female companionship.
“i can live without romantic love
but i can’t survive without
the women i call friends
they know exactly what i need
before i even know i need it
the way we hold space
for each other is just different”
This passionate post shows the boundaries of feminist allyship in the growing age of self-partnership. As a budding sociologist, I particularly liked her use of the word “space”.
Within the sociological realm, we tend to have an affinity towards words like space as they are often exclusionary to harmful outside forces. Ahmed (2006) describes them in her work on affective orientation as literal safe-spaces, where the marginalised can find recluse from the restrictions of a world structured by social interactionism. I’m not sure if that was the angle Kaur was going for (probably wasn’t) but I personally liked this interpretation of the text.
I’m going to end this book review and discussion on this empowering quote by Kaur;
“i want someone who is
inspired by my brilliance
not threatened by it”
Self-care is everything when growing from a history of abuse, and you have done a new generation of feminists proud Mx Kaur!
Star Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
(5 out of 5 stars)